I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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