Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
