he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
