Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I just gargled with NyQuil
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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