Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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