Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
