in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
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