Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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