i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I deserve this hangover.
where are my eyebrows?
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