Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
