she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
