I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
