No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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