I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
