I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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