she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I am available for nakedness
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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