He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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