finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I just want nice things and good sex
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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