I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
