Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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