I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
