it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize