We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
