Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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