he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
