So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
