omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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