Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
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