what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
