The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
