Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
