Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Is it penis luge time yet?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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