This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
