i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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