Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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