Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
it hurts more in the daytime
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
