Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
