Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
