No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize