he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
