apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I touched a dick in church today
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
