Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
