I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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