Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
