Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
