I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
