Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
