We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Randomize
