I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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