I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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