there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
This toilet bowl is my home.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
