There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
