you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
