I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Randomize
