She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
