Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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