john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
