I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize