Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
