i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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