Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
