Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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