WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Randomize
