What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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