Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
