i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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