Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
