watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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