dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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