I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
