nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize