you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
