In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
