Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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