If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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