Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
