He disabled his match.com account in front of me
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
