i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I'm really busy with my period
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