Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
