Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
