I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
